Take a Break With Kit Kat

Is that one of the way to win back his heart by putting effort in making changes for the betterment? Or is it a start of a real break up? I don't know. I am trying to be optimistic as possible and pray for the best of it.

For the 1st time, I let it all out on him and crying was no longer an embarrassment. Part of me regret taking this friendship to next level but part of me is happy that I was once in his life. We could have been best friends, but what have we both done to our friendship? It's too late to turn back and things will never be the same again.

I never wanted this relationship. No doubt, he is my kind of guy. It never came across my mind to love him or even to have this affair. Since the day we both agreed to board this so called love boat, I let my feelings grow. I didn't even try coz trying = effort and effort = hardwork = +ve or -ve result. So I just let it grow and it grew. However, as we go on, he has so many hesitations and I don't understand when he was the one who wanted this. Now, after we have been together for 9 months he is telling me that he has no feelings towards me. What actually happened during those months? He was at his weakest point and I came at a right time and he reached out. That's manipulation I called it.

Aargh..there's so much to say and I don't know how to put them in words.

I wanted to let him go but he wanted us to give it a break before we both rationalize things. May be he is right. May be during this break we both will be more at ease and I will try to improve myself in a lot of things. I want to win him back.

But this space gives me a lot of peace. We both now are like how we first date. I see things get better, I hope... I am not supposed to put any expectations and I keep telling myself not to expect anything during this break. I hope he will find his peace and God will open up his heart to love me.

I live with no expectations since yesterday. I feel somewhat calm. But deep down in my heart I pray that he will be back someday. I hope he can see my sincerity and all the love that I can offer. I just want him to fall in love again, the feelings that have left him for long. Then I could not ask for more.